I am completely overwhelmed. I had maybe one day of excitement about going to Turkey, and now i feel i am drowning in fear and paperwork. I feel like i can't do this.
That being said, i think i am in a safe place. The place where you realize you can't do this. Now i am at the edge of trusting Christ to come in and fill that gap, to fill and overflow that need. I know i am right, there is no way i can do this. It's impractical, and stupid. And to be honest i feel so relieved, I will fail. It certainly takes the pressure off.
I think i focus too much on the do and don'ts of Christianity, always striving to pay a penance for grace. A good friend reminded me on friday, to stop. What great advice! Seriously. I need to stop worrying about God's will and what is perfect and i am listening just right. Instead i need to focus on who Christ is. I have been so worried about God's will i have forgotten his character, and most importantly our relationship.
Here are 2 promises i am clinging to:
"so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith- that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19
"With what shall i come before the Lord and bow down before the exalted God? Shall i come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall i offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:6-8
